


Candle Roses

by preciousjihyo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, main ship is kankri/damara but more of on the side, sort of mention of karezi, they get together wink wonk wank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 14:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17868770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousjihyo/pseuds/preciousjihyo
Summary: The troll kids try to set Kankri and Damara on a date, but things don't go as planned. It's always a fire, isn't it?





	Candle Roses

**Author's Note:**

> The troll kids and the dancestors are each other's siblings in this fic! Also, this is red romance exclusive heehee

“Alright, look. Here’s the plan,” Vriska says as she sprawls the map across the table.

For the longest time, the troll kids have been wanting to do _something_ without the painstaking watching of a certain Kankri Vantas, who wouldn’t let them do anything without supervision, aka himself.

Going to the park to play was fun, yes, but with the constant bickering of ‘don’t eat while walking!’ or ‘keep your helmet on at all times’? No.

Or in the latest moment, when Karkat and Terezi went to the mall together and Kankri showed up out of nowhere to give them a lecture about drugs and teen pregnancy. Terezi had told him that he smelled like boredom and rotten candy corn.

So it was decided. They would go places without the knowledge of Karkat – therefore there was no way for Kankri to be involved.

But of course, when Karkat did find out (it was exactly two weeks and four hang outs later), he would not stop whining or reminding everyone “how great friends they were”. That was also when Vriska had enough and nearly (nearly!) killed Karkat in hopes of Kankri being too depressed to keep watch over anyone. But of course, Kanaya had a better idea.

“Vriska, that’s actually not a bad idea,” Kanaya had said.

Vriska looked back at her, “So you want me to kill him or not?”

“No, not the killing part, don’t kill Karkat.”

“Why kill me?? When you can just kill _him_ instead?? Wouldn’t that be a simpler way?? Instead of killing your own friend??” Karkat had said.

“Hush, your opinion is irrelevant right now.”

Kanaya, being the mastermind and everything, suggested a much more complicated way of handling things other than killing Kankri.

Back to present- after explaining every bit of the plan to all eleven trolls, Vriska told them to head out and that ‘Operation Get Rid of Kankri’ was a-go.

_“Kankri will not leave the house for a full night because he can’t leave Karkat alone. That is why we have to make her come to him.”_

Kankri jerked up when he heard a knock on the door. He got up to see who it could be.

“Hey big Vantas,” Terezi said as he opened the door. Gamzee was next to her.

“Oh, good evening to you two. I reckon you may be here for Karkat?”

“Actually, we wanted to show you something! Step out here for a second, big Vantas,” Terezi pulled him towards the block.

That was where Feferi and Nepeta came in. They saw Kankri leaving the house, and before the door closed, they slid in.

“We are in the house!! I repeat, we are in the house!!” Feferi said into their walkie talkie.

“You have the supplies?” Vriska asked through it.

“Yes, but where in the blubbering fins do they keep their dinner table?” Feferi asked back.

Nepeta pointed to the kitchen. Feferi gasped.

“I can’t believe they eat like that!”

“I heard that!!” Karkat said from his room.

Nepeta took their ‘supplies’ and unfolded the white table cover on the coffee table next to the couch. “I believe this will do purrfectly!”

“But what about the table? They should be sitting on chairs, not on the couch or the floor,” Feferi interrupted.

Vriska talked into the walkie talkie, “the couch is a good idea. It’s better they get sexed up on the couch rather than the kitchen.”

Karkat came running out of his room and stopped near the coffee table.

“What the fuck are you trying to get them to do? I thought this was just a distraction so we could go somewhere for an hour or two!” Karkat yelled.

Vriska talked again, “Oh shit.”

Feferi and Nepeta looked at each other and thought the same thing. They turned towards Karkat and slowly walked up to him, while Karkat took a few steps back.

“We need your coopurration on this, Karkat.”

“Don’t you want to get Kankri out of the picture for more than just an hour or two?”

“I don’t want Kankri fucking on my couch!”

Feferi nodded at Nepeta, and in the blink of an eye, Karkat was back in his room with a chair stuck to the door knob to keep him in.

*

“I think we shouldn’t set anything on fire this time,” Tavros said as he and Sollux were walking to Aradia’s house.

“If everything goes fine, we won’t need to.”

Sollux knocked on the door when they arrived, and it was Damara that answered. She scanned the two of them before they could talk.

“Aradia isn’t here,” she said and began to slam the door. Tavros tried to stop the door with his hand, but, yikes that hurt.

“The fuck? Who tries to stop a door with their hand?”

Sollux ignored Tavros’ whimpering and talked to Damara, “we need you to come with us.”

Damara eyed him, “Are you asking me or ordering me?”

Sollux stayed quiet.

“私はあなたのお尻を指で突き上げるようにあなたに教えます.”

“I think you are telling me why you want to go, and I believe I have a very valid reason,” he said, looking up at Damara, “Eridan is shoving his wand up Kankri’s ass.”

Damara furrowed her brows. Then she started laughing hysterically.

“カンクリは小さなお尻を持っています！ そんなことがあるものか?”

 [Kankri has a small ass! How is that possible?]

“You won’t believe it until you see it? Come with us, Damara.” Sollux said and led the way.

“How’d you understand her?” Tavros whispered to Sollux.

“I didn’t.”

*

“Vriska, Karkat is trying to troll you.” Kanaya said.

“Yea? Well I’m trying to save him from his own brother so he can wait.”

Vriska put the candle down and started carving a rose.

“Hey Aradia, why do you think Kankri has red feelings for her?” Kanaya asked.

“I don’t know if that is true or not. But Damara has a picture of Kankri in her room,” Aradia began and Kanaya smiled.

“I didn’t know she actually had red feelings for him as well,” she swooned.

“She throws darts at that picture.”

“Oh.”

“Quit wasting time, ladies! We got work to do and work won’t finish itself! Also, do you think we will need buckets for them?”

“I’d rather not be seen carrying buckets outside,” Kanaya said and Aradia nodded in agreement.

Kanaya saw her own Trollian acting up, and thought explaining to Karkat wouldn’t hurt.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 

CG: KANAYA DID YOU KNOW.

CG: WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS.

CG: I CAN HEAR NEPETA PUTTING FUCKING BUCKETS OVER THE LIVING ROOM.

CG: WHERE IS VRISKA? WHY IS SHE NOT ANSWERING ME? I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF HER SHENANIGANS!

CG: AT LEAST GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE HE COMES BACK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. I DON’T WANT TO IMAGINE ANYTHING.

GA: Hello Karkat

CG: KANAYA

CG: I NEED YOU TO HELP ME GET OUT FROM THIS PLACE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. AND WHAT’S TEREZI AND GAMZEE DOING TO KANKRI? I CAN FAINTLY SEE SPARKS EVERY OTHER MINUTE WHENEVER I LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.

GA: There Is Nothing To Worry About

GA: If You Want To Get Out So Bad, Why Don't You Just Leave?

CG: NEPETA LOCKED ME INSIDE MY ROOM.

GA: That Sounds Grueling. Why Don’t You Jump Out Your Window?

CG: FUCK NO.

CG: I’M NOT TRYING TO DIE TONIGHT.

CG: WHERE IS VRISKA? WHY IS SHE NOT ANSWERING ME?

GA: I’m Afraid Vriska Is Busy As Of The Moment

CG: SHE’S GETTING MORE BUCKETS ISN’T SHE

Kanaya looked up and Vriska wasn’t at her station carving roses anymore, and, indeed, getting buckets.

GA: …

CG: GOD DAMMIT

GA: I Have To Continue Making Roses Out Of Candles Now, Goodbye Karkat

CG: WAIT

CG: YOU’RE MAKING ROSES?? FOR DAMARA? ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING INSANE?

GA: I Don’t See The Problem Here

CG: DAMARA IS A SHITTY PERVERT THAT SAYS AND DOES THE MOST LEUD THINGS POSSIBLE AND YOU THINK FUCKING CANDLE ROSES WILL SWOON HER?

GA: I Don't Think They Are Meant For Swooning, But Rather For Plan B If This Doesn't Work Out

CG: WHAT

CG: WHAT’S PLAN B

CG: KANAYA??

GA: I Must Go Now, Goodbye

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: WAIT

CG: OH MY GOD I SMELL SMOKE

*

“Tell me again why we are the back-up plan,” Eridan rustled behind the bushes.

“In case anything goes wrong?” Equius said.

Eridan rolled his eyes and watched as Kankri tried to stop Terezi from killing the juggalo.

“This is no way for a young troll to be having as a demeanor! I kindly demand you to put down your, uhm, dragon staff sword contraption!”

Terezi laughed.

“Are they not finished setting the god damn table?” Eridan muttered under his breath.

Kankri was now chasing down Terezi in circles while she shouted something about dragons and justice. Although having the advantage with height, Terezi was faster. Oh, and also a bit more insane.

Eridan groaned, “How long does it take to put a _table cloth_ over a _table_.”

*

 _“Hey, Tavros, ask Nepeta and Feferi if they are done,”_ Sollux whispered.

Tavros nodded.

“What are you whispering about?” Damara poked her head to be an inch away from Sollux.

Sollux gulped, as she smelled like alcohol and cigarette odor, “Uh. You know. This and that.”

“カンクリが従順な子羊であることを私はとてもうれしく思います。”

[I am very excited to see Kankri being a submissive lamb]

“You know, it’s very weird when you, uh, switch between dialect like that,” Tavros said.

Damara stared at him, giving Tavros goosebumps, and then smiled.

“これは私たち二人にとってこのように良いことです.”

[It’s better for both of us this way.]

Tavros ignored that, and began checking up on how Feferi and Nepeta were doing.

 

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

AT: aRE YOU AND FEFERI DONE, cAN WE BRING DAMARA THERE

AC: :33 < no!

AT: wHY NOT,

AC: :33 < too complicated! whatever you do, don't bring her here!!!

AT: bUT WE ARE ALMOST THERE

AC: :33 < don't be almost here! f33d her tuna or something :3

AC: :33 < i'll s33 you later!!

AC: :33 < also i think we have to switch to plan b!

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

 

Tavros looked at Sollux and saw that Damara was walking right between them, unlike before, where she was considerably a few steps back. She must’ve known half way that they were going to Kankri’s house.

“Uh, Damara. Why don’t we go eat first?” Tavros suggested.

Sollux gave him a look. Tavros looked at him back. It was a series of looks being given back at each other.

“No.”

Tavros started panicking.

“I’m pretty sure there is a café nearby,” Tavros stopped in his tracks causing Sollux to as well.  _“What happened?”_ Sollux asked.

_“Nepeta says they aren’t ready.”_

They both looked up and saw that Damara hadn’t stopped in her tracks and kept right on going. They ran to catch up to her.

“Come on, Damara, we are hungry.”

“Go there yourselves, I’m on my way to humiliate Kankri.”

Sollux panicked as well.

“But we, uh, don’t have money,” Tavros went up in front of her.

“So you are trying to pocket off of me? Not a chance, little boys.” Damara went past him.

Both boys somehow could not convince her to listen to them.

_“What are we going to do??”_

“Damara, look!” Sollux pointed at the sky.

Damara looked at the boy and then at the sky, and then nothing at all because she blacked out after that.

*

“I think the table looks very purrty!” Nepeta said.

The girls had put the table cloth, sprinkled some rose petals, and had a hard time choosing what food to put.

“We should put tuna!” Nepeta had said.

Feferi scowled at Nepeta and instead suggested beefgrub with tuberpaste.

“Where are we gonna get that?” Nepeta had asked.

Feferi had it with the supplies the whole time. Nepeta, however, brought only tuna and catnip along with her. She guessed not everyone liked catnip like she did. They lit up candles in the middle of the table and listened to Karkat as he tried getting their attention by yelling through his door. No luck. Instead, Nepeta hid buckets throughout the room, but in obvious enough places for anyone to find.

“Nepeta! I think we have a problem!” Feferi said. Nepeta came crawling in to see a fire on the table caused by a candle that fell. Turns out the table cloth wasn’t really inflammable either.

“We have to do somefin!” Feferi rushed over to the fire.

“I think I kmeow what to do,” Nepeta said and blew on the fire, only causing it to be worse.

“Nepeta!”

“Oops.”

“They don’t have a fire extinguisher in their home??”

“Our table!”

“What do we do??”

“I think we need to get out of the house.”

“But the house will burn!”

“Then how do we stop the fire?”

“I don’t know!”

That is also when they heard Karkat yelling, again, demanding to know why he smelled smoke.

“We can fix this,” Feferi said, “We can… use the buckets.”

Nepeta gasped, “Feferi! That’s so dirty!”

“It’s the only way!”

Nepeta braced herself and took a breath. She and Feferi ran to fill the buckets with water.

“IS THERE A FUCKING FIRE?”

“OH MY GOD ARE YOU FILLING BUCKETS WITH WATER.”

“DISGUSTING!”

“Karkat, shut up!!”

*

Oh. My. God.

There was a fire.

In his house.

There was a fire in Karkat’s house and he will be left in his room, locked and forgotten, probably going to get burned to death, not get a proper funeral because everyone will be glad he’s gone-

Okay, what the hell.

He needs to get out and help put out the fire.

“MAYBE IF YOU GOT ME OUT I WOULD BE ABLE TO _HELP,_ YOU MORONS!”

Across the other side of his door, Nepeta realized that actually wasn’t a bad idea. She said brb to Feferi and ran up the stairs to let Karkat out.

“Dammit, Nepeta, it took you, what? An hour to realize that I-,”

“No time to loose! Grab a bucket and fill it up!”

Nepeta flew down the stairs and Karkat, being too late to say anything else, followed.

_Ew. That sounded dirty._

He looked for any spare buckets, and found one… under the rug. As if they were trying to hide it. He saw the table and had to admit that it _did_ look fancy, if not for the flames that were covering it.

“Holy mother of fuck.”

“Karkat!! We let you out because you need to _help_! Stop fishing around and get these flames out!” Feferi said and doused the flames with water, cutting a part of it out.

Nepeta hurried in the room, “I told Tavros to distract Damara, they were almost here!”

It took a few more bucket splashing to completely extinguish the fire, and by that time the table cloth was now a blacked out piece of cloth with a lot of holes in it. The food looked inedible, too. The table itself looked a bit ruined too. The walkie talkie was long gone.

“So much for the shitty dinner.”

*

cuttflefishCuller [CC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

CC: We )(ave a problem! Resort to Plan B!

AG: What!

AG: What happened?

CC: We almost set Karkat's )(ouse on fire so now everyt)(ing is ruined and t)(ere are buckets everyw)(ere!

AG: Wow Fef, gross. Don't tell me you used to 8ucket's to…

CC: Plan B!! Now!

AG: Alright, initiating Plan 8.

AG: And 8y Plan 8 I mean Plan B and not actually plan eight

CC: !!!

AG: Gotcha

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

 

Vriska looked up and cleared her throat to get the attention of Aradia and Kanaya.

“It’s time. Gather the candle roses, we’re heading out.”

Aradia and Kanaya looked at each other and just assumed the worst. They were almost right, in fact. It was always a fire.

*

“Why did you, uh, knock her out?” Tavros asked Sollux.

They were hovering over her body, trying to figure out what to do with her.

“She wouldn’t stop and we had to distract her, and, this is how we distract her,” Sollux said.

“What do we do now?”

“Well, you did say there was a café nearby,” Sollux dug inside Damara’s pocket to find her wallet (also with her cigarette, but, he left that). The two boys put on dark sunglasses on Damara and dragged her to the café.

“This is part of Plan B, uh, right?” Tavros asked.

“Yea, sure it is. As long as Kankri doesn’t find out.”

“Uh, what are they doing with Kankri?”

“I don’t know. Let’s ask.”

 

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

TA: what'2 happeniing wiith kankrii

CT: D --> Terezi was trying to kill Gamzee so Kankri started to chase her but they have been going around in circles for a while now. Very e%cruciating if you ask me.

TA: that 2ound2 great

CT: D --> Is Damara almost near the pro%imity?

TA: no we 2wiitched two plan b becau2e 2omethiing went wrong. ii knocked her out.

CT: D --> sounds e%travagant

CT: D --> What e%actly went wrong?

TA: beat2 me

TA: tavro2 and ii need two carry her body now. good luck wiith kankrii and re2ort two plan b

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

 

“I can’t believe they don’t know about the situation either,” Sollux said.

“Maybe it’s a fire?”

“Probably.”

*

Equius rustled in the bushes to get closer to Eridan.

“We need to go forth with Plan B,” he said.

“Hell yes,” Eridan said and jumped out of his hiding place.

“Kankri Vantas!” He yelled.

Terezi stopped running and Kankri bumped into her, falling down. Gamzee stopped honking.

“We are leaving, now!” Eridan ran over to Kankri, took his arm, and started running (with a bit of struggle). Equius helped as well. Terezi and Gamzee ran after them. That was also when Feferi, Nepeta, and Karkat came out of the Vantas residence and saw the group running towards Plan B.

“Come on, we have to go too!” Feferi sprinted.

Karkat, Nepeta, and Feferi ran after Gamzee and Terezi who were running after Kankri who was being pulled away by Equius and Eridan. (And no, Eridan did not stick his wand up Kankri’s ass).

“I never heard of Plan B!” Karkat said as they were running.

“That’s because we thought we didn’t need to shell you!” Feferi replied.

“We always need a Plan B, because we somehow always set Plan A on fire!”

“It’s fine because you are about to find out meow,” Nepeta purred.

Along the way, they saw Vriska, Kanaya, and Aradia keeping up with the crowd. In fact, they were in front of Kankri himself.

“I kindly ask for an individual or two to please clarify what is going on here!” Kankri said.

“Suck it, big Vantas!” Terezi yelled.

*

“They should be here any minute now,” Sollux said as he sipped his grubberry milkshake.

Tavros and Sollux had made Damara sit down next to them and keep a “low profile” so that no one would see that she was unconscious. The glasses sure were helping, but her stance? Not so much. That is why Tavros had to fix her posture every few minutes. The first few times, she fell on her face and almost broke the glasses.

“We aren’t going to, uh, set this place on fire, are we?” Tavros asked.

“I don’t know, probably?”

The door to the café slammed open and all eyes were on the entrance.

“Make haste, everyone! These two have a mother fucking date to be on!” Eridan yelled and dragged Kankri towards the trio.

“Eridan, I must say, your language should not be excusable- and what? Excuse me? Date? Whomst?”

Equius backed away as Vriska, Kanaya, and Aradia came into the picture. Vriska pushed her way to the front and gave the basket full of the candle roses to Kankri.

“Make sure to give these to Damara, but after you light them!” Vriska shoved the basket into his red sweater.

“Damara?”

Kankri finally saw that Damara, was indeed, here.

“Oh, good evening, Damara.”

Sollux took a hold of her arm and waved it at Kankri.

“She says hi.”

Karkat, Nepeta, and Feferi also busted into the café. Kankri turned around and saw Karkat.

“Karkat? Why on heavens name are you here in this situation? What if I did not know of your whereabouts?”

Vriska interrupted him, however, “fool! Give the basket to Damara.”

Sollux got up and whispered to Vriska that Damara was sort of unconscious right now. Vriska made an ‘uhuh’ sound and looked towards Aradia.

“Aradia, do it.”

Aradia smiled and went towards her sister, “I won’t regret this one bit.”

Damara almost fell over from the impact of the slap, but she did regain her conscious.

“What the fuck – “

Before Kankri could notice anything, Vriska lit the candle roses on fire and shoved Kankri towards Damara.

“Alright guys, let’s go,” Vriska said, motioning for everyone to get out of the café. Now.

As the kids were leaving, Kankri had something else in mind, “Hey! The lot of you cannot take your leave without the permission or guidance of an elder! It is night and dark outside-“

“Kankri.”

The boy turned towards Damara.

“Come here.”

Kankri did what he was told to. Damara got her cigarette and lit it with the flames of the candle roses.

“私があなたを支配的にしたいのです。”

[I want to dominate you right now because I could not see you being submissive myself.]

“Still on with your routine like it is a norm? Damara, I am –“

“Shh,” Damara hushed him by putting her fingers on his lips.

“私は子供たちがこの間ずっと計画していたことを知っていました。 どうしてそんなに素朴になれるの？”

[I knew what the kids were planning this whole time. How could you be so naive?]

“Kids? Why must you speak of the kids as of this moment? As I recall, their behavior was much more aberrant than habitual. Could you by any chance have knowledge to this?”

“Kankri. Shut up. Your basket is on fire.”

**Author's Note:**

> honestly the most stupid thing i have ever written  
> was gonna be a spicy winky action between kankri/damara but it turned into a crack fic  
> but then again, homestuck itself is crack


End file.
